Thoughts and Observations

Having lived in Bishops Waltham for two years, I realise how lucky we are to have such a vibrant high street, with a good range of shops within easy reach. There are times, however, when it is necessary to venture further afield. At these times, I am sure that, like in some bizarre science fiction film, the roads outside Bishops Waltham move and change places with each other. Shopping sites such as Park Gate, Whitely and Hedge End are clear and accessible when I look at a map, but when it comes to driving to them, not only am I at a loss as to which road to take, but the roads themselves seem to change each time. Landmarks disappear or reappear at random positions; traffic lights are invariably red to warn me of the confusion ahead.

Let me give you an example; I have yet to be able to drive to Hedge End without using a Sat Nav (apology for the abbreviation). I have tried without using one but have found myself lost and desolate in various places along the south coast.  Friends have driven me there via Botley or Fair Oak or even Durley, but for me, Sainsbury's (SO30 2UH) at Hedge End is as elusive as James Hilton’s Shangri-La. For me, the postcode SO32 2UH leads nowhere but some tall gates, so I fumble around on a dual carriageway until I see a bright orange sign. Once there, I can find my way to M&S (SO30 2UH), but B&Q (SO30 4HW) is a more difficult quest; I know it is near Sainsbury's, but the only way I can reach it is to use the dreaded Sat Nav. Once on a pilgrimage to buy a tin of Dulux Apricot White paint, I found myself at the Ageas Bowl and was intrigued to find it was a cricket ground. As a fan of cricket, I was really pleased with my find, but it didn’t get my walls painted, which was sad; it is also unfortunate that I may never find the Ageas Bowl again.

Driving to Whitely is another mystery, yet it also has an M&S store (PO15 7PD) am I sensing a plot? I don’t need to go to Whitely that often, but my 7-year-old grandson loves a burger at Five Guys (PO15 7PD). His father will not let me take him there unsupervised lest I return with a young adult. When I drive, getting to Whitely seems to entail more roundabouts than Milton Keynes, but then someone gave me a lift from Bishops Waltham and I found no roundabouts only a new housing estate; just when did that appear? Getting to Dunelm (PO14 4QL) in Park Gate involves another housing estate. With such short windy roads, I am worried I may end up parking in someone’s drive.

It is only in the last few years that I have had a car with a built-in navigation system; the lady talks to me in calming tones. So now, without thought or reason, I just do as I am told. I no longer need to plan or think ahead. I drive forward and turn left or right as instructed, take the right turn off a roundabout by counting to the number she said, my consciousness in on my immediate position; nothing about where I have been or where I am going needs to bother me. Is she enabling me, or am I enabling her? Perhaps she is disabling me. What happens if she breaks down and I am lost? Maybe George Moore was correct when he wrote, “A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it”. Thank goodness for Bishops Waltham High Street (SO32 1AB).

While writing, I have mentioned several businesses; these mentions should not be considered any kind of endorsement; hence I must add caveat emptor to this passage. I can, of course, be persuaded otherwise; please contact my lawyers, who are well known to those of a similar vintage as myself. They are called Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel, the same lawyers as those used by the Marx Brothers.