Thoughts and Observations

I am a creature of habit and the older I am the more important these habits become; they give my daily life structure and context, be it finishing a crossword or, one of my favourite habits, visiting the Country market each Friday morning. Every Friday I walk across the North Pond bridge and meet friends for coffee, cake, and company, with a little shopping thrown in for good luck. 

 

On one such Friday, I had chatted and been diverted a bit too long and noticed that the cake table was nearly empty! I went over and there was one cake left for sale – a tea loaf and who can refuse that? I stretched out my hand to claim my prize when another hand slid under mine and stole the cake from me, not only that but a foot was placed firmly and painfully on mine. What could I do? Then, purely without thinking, and as a reflex, I said sorry to the woman who had claimed my tea cake. So, I was the one who apologised and was left wondering whether this was the right thing to do. I was stunned and feeling defeated and de-footed I limped back to my table and told my tale, much to the pleasure and amusement of those there. There are times when you know your friends!

 

Being too old and inflexible to lick my wounds the urge for cake grew. I had to have cake. So, after the market, I wandered into town in search of gateau and soon found myself gazing at row upon row of delicious cakes and pastries. I was transfixed and gazed with anticipation trying to make a choice when I heard the words “I’m sorry” spoken quietly at my side. Turning around I realised that, in my cake daze, I was blocking the aisle, and someone wanted to get past and instead of being brusque they had politely asked to come past. How nice was that! I immediately returned an apology and stepped aside. 

 

These two events started me thinking about apologies, apologising, and saying sorry. I can’t agree with P. G. Woodhouse who wrote in The Man Upstairs “It is a good rule in life never to apologise. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take mean advantage of them.” Apologies are essential for living with people and being part of a community. An honest apology hopefully leads to forgiveness or reconciliation. It is a kind gesture that makes you feel relieved if accepted but hurt if rebuffed. 

 

There are two broad types of apologies. The first is more of a habit and may not always be appropriate as when I was pipped at the post over cake. We have all apologised when one is not needed. American friends have called it a quaint British custom. It is just being polite, recognising an accident, and not wanting to cause a fuss.  They make life go smoother and show consideration for others. The second type is more difficult and needs to be made, but that is not always easy. Sad to say I have not always apologised when I should. It takes courage to be honest and pride can get in the way and even a feeling of guilt can make it difficult. Either that or money stopped the person who dented my car from leaving a note, or perhaps they agreed with Charles I who, in his letter to Lord Wentworth wrote “Never make a defence or apology before you be accused”.

 

 

This story would not be complete if I did not say, that in the end, I did get cake. I bought a Battenburg, which, as a creature of habit, must be eaten in ascending levels of deliciousness. First the pink squares, then the yellow squares and finally the marzipan after rolling it into a small ball of delight. If you disagree with my order of consumption – I apologise.